I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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