am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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