Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
