is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
