We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
