I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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