Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
