he was CRYING into my vagina
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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