Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I looked at my own cervix.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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