Where are you?
In a non slutty way
4 words: hood of his car
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
