are you so shy because you have an std?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
