this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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