I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
