I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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