My liver just broke up with me...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
