There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
