if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
