i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
