On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
