So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
