high people should be assigned attendants
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
