i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
