What a fucking waste of an outfit
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
