May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
