How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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