FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
