I wanna bring you to show and tell
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
wow bdsm is so cute
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
