i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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