An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
