when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
