i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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