Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
