i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
