I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
