So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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