Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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