I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
