he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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