i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
