I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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