Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
