it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
