I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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