i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
