I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize