She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
