i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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