Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
