i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
