well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
