did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
