she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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