He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were trust falling into bushes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
