Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
