The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
