i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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