Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
