My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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